1st habit: I look men in the eyes.
A velvety look, a distracted look, an amused look, looking out of the corner of the eye, looking down… So many expressions that show that the gaze serves to express feelings, emotions and to perceive them in the other.
To deprive oneself of a frank and direct look is to deprive oneself of a strong means of connection with others. In fact, have you noticed that when we have a conflict with someone, we stop looking into their eyes?
What is it about men that makes us dare not look at them?
- The fear that a man will notice that we like him
- Fear of rejection
- The fear of seduction
- The fear of not pleasing… etc.
- I propose an exercise to learn how to face the eyes of men.
Exercise: The 3 second look
Practice looking everyone you talk to straight in the eye for at least 3 seconds at a time.
That way, you’ll get used to doing it and you’ll be less unsettled when you look a man in the eye.
- I smile more often
The smile attracts others like a magnet and has a communicative effect. It’s obvious, between a person with a closed face and another who smiles, which one do you prefer to approach?
Here are the results of different studies that have been done on the smile:
A forced smile can be as beneficial as a real smile to reduce stress and feel better. (study conducted by psychologists at the University of Kansas)
Smiling more often increases life expectancy (study conducted by researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan).
Women who have an authentic smile are more likely to find love and are happier in their relationship (Study conducted by Harker and Keltner in 2001 at the University of California, Berkeley).
The most smiling people are 5 times less likely to get divorced than the least smiling people. (Study conducted by Hertenstein, Hansel, Butts, & Hile in 2009 at the University of Newcastle, Indiana)
You have understood that by smiling more often, you are doing good for yourself, for others and for your life!
Exercise: The 3 Strokes of the Smile.
1st Step – Smile to yourself
Look at yourself in the mirror and smile for 1 to 3 minutes. The most authentic smile is called the Duchenne smile. To do this, simply squint your eyes slightly as you smile. Observe the sensations it gives you in your head and body.
2nd Step – Smiling to those who need it
Learn to smile at your interlocutors (colleagues, salespeople, bartenders etc…) especially when you feel cold, distant, or stressed in order to give them some comfort. Observe their reactions, changes in their attitudes, in their words.
3rd Step – Smile at the men you are attracted to
Practice smiling at men you like wherever you meet them (in the street, in the library, in the supermarket…) without necessarily expecting something in return. The more you do it, the less you will fear their reaction.
- I cultivate my unique qualities
There has never been and there will never be another person like you on Earth. You are unique. Fantastic, isn’t it?
So when we realize that, we can ask ourselves why we are so eager to be like others on the level:
our appearance (have you noticed that most people wear black, white, gray or jeans?)?
our lifestyle habits, including our eating habits?
Why do we try so hard to fit into the mold rather than cultivate our differences? Perhaps we are afraid of being rejected, of being singled out, or that others will laugh at us if we are different. Lately people have made fun of me for drinking tea at a birthday party, I like tea with cake so why deny me that! Do I have to conform to what other people think I should drink to please them?
It is our differences that make us unique, it is what makes people remember us, find common ground and affinity with us, and want to be with us.
We all have our role to play on Earth, each person is like a piece of a puzzle. Allowing ourselves to be more and more ourselves from day to day is therefore the best gift we can give to ourselves and to others.
I propose a written exercise to discover your unique qualities.
Exercise: 3 questions to reveal your qualities
What makes me different from other women physically and mentally?
What are my unique qualities? (If you can’t find out, ask your family and friends).
What activities do I particularly enjoy doing that differentiate me from others?
How can I cultivate and highlight these differences?