A first meeting can be the beginning of a beautiful love story. That’s why we try to make a good impression. But when the other person starts asking certain questions, you feel a little uncomfortable. Is it necessary to give him an account of the past or should we keep silent? The answer, right away!
The difference between lying and not saying everything
At a certain point, your partner may bring up subjects that will make you uncomfortable, such as your last love relationship, your financial situation, the number of previous conquests, or your family history. It is normal not to want to talk about them. After all, she/he is still a stranger. However, he or she must be given an answer at the risk of looking dishonest. So what should you do?
Our parents have always taught us that truth is better than lies. However, as the saying goes, not all truth is good to tell. So the best thing to do is to remain evasive. Beware! There is a difference between lying and not telling everything. What you are asked to do is to say the essential in order to appease your curiosity. Your goal, while playing under the sign of discretion, is not to scare him away.
There is a time for everything
Maybe you’re a little frustrated at the thought of hiding some of the dark spots in your life, but know that there is a time for everything. If you think you’re going to keep the secret forever, then you’re at fault. On the other hand, if you plan to talk about it later, you’re absolutely right.
A relationship based on trust is necessary. So, when you think you’ve won your soul mate, think about telling him or her about anything and everything. Of course, words must be weighed. If you need to talk about a painful breakup, for example, don’t look depressed. You just have to make him understand that this failure has shaken you up a little but that life goes on. Don’t try to condemn your ex. It’s better to assume your share of the responsibility.
The consequences of acting with total transparency
If you feel guilty about hiding things from the woman or man who may share your life, know that unpacking everything would also have negative consequences. Since he/she doesn’t know you well enough, he/she will tend to jump to conclusions.
As a result of prejudice, he/she may decide to end your relationship long before it begins. The first rule of thumb is: save the confessions for later. During the first meeting, think above all about conquering the chosen one in your heart. Let him or her discover your best assets and not your weaknesses.
The opinion of specialists
The success of a couple depends mainly on the trust between the two individuals. For this reason, it is recommended that people who love each other always be honest with each other and this is valid even if you have just met each other. However, psychotherapist Michel Pelletier believes that certain things deserve to remain secret. On the other hand, everyone is free to have their own little secret garden.
If you feel that your partner is hiding things from you, putting pressure on him is not the right solution. Over time, he will eventually give himself up to you. If he doesn’t, he has his reasons and you must respect that choice at all costs. Otherwise, you will invade his space and he could choke.
Is honesty that fatal?
So far, we’ve come to the point that telling the whole truth is a mistake. However, we should not rule out the fact that some people like to know the truth from the beginning. They are able to analyze the situation and make a less subjective judgment.
They may take some time to digest the news, but they quickly come back with the knowledge that it is all in the past and that now is the time to think about the future. With your candor, you can earn points. And then, imagine that he/she learns the truth in a different way, it will be even worse.
The points not to hide at the first meeting
Even if one has the right to remain discreet about one’s life, certain subjects deserve to be clarified at the first meeting. If you have children, for example, it is important that she/he knows. Maybe he/she doesn’t want to build his/her future in this way and you have no right to judge him/her.
Your marital status is also a point not to be hidden. Whether you’re in a relationship or in the process of divorce, remember to tell him/her about it. It is up to her/him to decide whether to end your relationship or whether to go further and see what happens. If he/she also asks you questions about your plans for the future, you need to be honest so that he/she doesn’t get any illusions.
