Jealousy: proof of love or?
We often hear that people who really love are the most jealous. It is even “normal” to hear people say: “if he loves me he will automatically be jealous”. According to this context, jealousy is therefore a proof of love for some people. On the other hand, we all know that in love, it is important to trust your partner. But then, what should we really think? It’s all contradictory, so it’s normal if you don’t know where to put your head. To simplify things, let’s take a look at the concept of jealousy.
What is jealousy?
In short, jealousy is an emotion. Depending on the person concerned, it can be more or less intense. Sometimes it can be a sign of anguish and aggression (buried or overt). But whatever the case, jealousy is always based on the fear of losing the person you love. So far, nothing abnormal. If you care about someone, it is normal to be afraid of losing them or having someone else “steal” them. The problem is how you express that fear and why you are jealous. It is therefore in the intensity that the simple and legitimate fear of losing a loved one and the sickly jealousy differ.
The 3 conditions of jealousy
In order to better understand if the feeling you have is really jealousy or fear of losing your half, here are three important conditions you need to know about:
The notion of possession
You can’t be afraid of losing something or someone you don’t think you own. So if jealousy is present in that person’s mind, it’s because they also think their partner is their property, so they own them.
The presence of another person
Your loved one has fallen ill and is at risk of losing her life? It is legitimate for you to be afraid of losing her. You may even be sad, anxious and very sad. But this does not mean that you are jealous. For jealousy to make sense, there has to be a third person in the picture.
Lack of confidence (either in yourself or in the other person)
The jealous has no reason to be if he was confident in his ability to maintain his love. So there is a huge part of this self-confidence problem.
Is it a proof of love?
Seen from certain angles, jealousy would almost be considered a proof of love and a normal reaction when one is in love. But in my opinion this idea is totally false. Why is it wrong? Well, it’s simple! What feeds jealousy has nothing to do with the other person, but rather with oneself. What is, it must be said, intolerable. Let me explain: what motivates jealousy has nothing to do with love for the other.
It is possession, ownership, insecurity, fear of abandonment, lack of confidence, doubt about one’s ability to wing, that underlies jealousy. This leads to a lack of trust in the other, control of the other, moral and physical confinement, and the willingness to make the other feel guilty by taking oneself for the victim. When does this definition make you think of LOVE? At none! In short, everything that implies jealousy does not relate in any way to a feeling of love.
By being jealous, the first thing you think about is yourself and not you. Here, it is the ego that speaks, not love. And remember, ego is the opposite of love. Even if the jealous person always tries to say the opposite, he never thinks about the other person. When you keep a lion in a cage, do you prioritize his well-being, your love for him or just your personal pleasure? You want to enjoy its presence so you lock it up so that it can be at your side forever.
How can you stop being jealous?
You want to stop being jealous? It’s already a good start! Except that you don’t just have to hope very hard for this feeling to disappear. To help you, here are some common scenarios that are central to the fear of jealous people.
Case number 1: my girlfriend is going to cheat on me because she talks to a lot of men.
The point you need to know is that the worse you feel about yourself, the more you push the woman you’re dating into another man’s arms. So you have to learn to trust yourself. Better than that, trust your girlfriend too. Either way, you’ll come out a winner. If your girlfriend is faithful to you, you will gain a good relationship that combines love and respect for the other person. If she cheats on you, you won’t waste time in a relationship that isn’t worth it.
Case 2: My girlfriend cheated on me and I’m afraid she’ll do it again.
Faced with this case, I would like to ask you a specific question to which you must offer me a sincere and thoughtful answer: if she has already deceived you, what does she have to gain by being faithful? What is there to be afraid of by being unfaithful again? How many more times can you forgive her? There is a specific reason if you have decided to forgive her. Now, it’s just a matter of trust, calculation and strategy.
You know her better than I do. You are therefore in the best position to know whether she will remain faithful to you or not. In any case, during the first few months after this forgiveness, you will always have doubts. However, as your relationship progresses, you need to learn to let things slide, as this may further damage this already fragile history. If you’ve decided to forgive her, it’s because you’ve also decided to trust her again.
Case number 3: my girlfriend is too good for me
If you feel that you and your girlfriend aren’t playing in the same league, why don’t you strive to be a better version of yourself? In our youth, we all dealt with a woman who left us for someone better than us. Except that, gentlemen, that’s life. When you get into a love relationship, you have to take a chance on that kind of thing. No matter what you do, women will always go to the men who can bring them happiness and make their lives a lot better than they are now. If you have to choose between a woman who gives you misery and a woman who can make you smile every day, which one do you choose? That’s what I thought.
So instead of rotting the life of the woman you’re with and instead of suspecting everything she does, tell yourself if you can’t fix it. Make sure that you offer her maximum stability and a bright future so that she doesn’t want to go anywhere else. Give everything you have inside you to make the relationship work. If need be, improve. And I promise you that from the time you had your first girlfriend until now, chances are you’ve already changed (for the better). Being afraid of losing your girlfriend and becoming very jealous doesn’t make sense here. If you don’t want to lose her, you need to stop now!