Having your partner’s attention is a theme that often comes up in couples. I regularly hear phrases like: I’ve tried everything… What can I do to get him to pay more attention to me? Why doesn’t he give me more attention? It used to be different … Why has it changed?
In this article, I will suggest ways to take stock and to offer you the opportunity to influence a change in your relationship.
Our relationship is changing and so are our behaviors.
Sometimes what we find difficult is the difference between the beginning of a relationship and a few months or years later. Did you know that this is normal?
We all live different daily experiences and therefore our way of seeing things, of apprehending them influences who we are and consequently the couple as well. There are different phases in the couple and in the construction of a relationship (in love or even friendly by the way) so the beginnings will not be comparable to the months or years that follow and that’s OK!
The first thing to do is not to compare the beginning of the relationship to what you are experiencing today in your couple. But to take stock of what you want at this moment when you take the time to take stock and therefore of your needs. You can do this with a list for example.
You don’t get enough attention from your partner?
The first question I ask you in return: having attention for you, what is it? That’s right! Have you ever considered that the attention you expect is not necessarily the same as the attention your partner gives you?
I’ll give you a concrete example, your partner comes back at the weekend with a bouquet of flowers thinking that it will please you and so finally he wants to give you attention with this gesture… Probably it will please you, but for you at that very moment you didn’t need a bouquet of flowers or a gift, but rather to be comforted or hugged.
Do you understand what I mean? Have you ever felt like that?
During the course of the day, we may go through different needs. One day you need a bouquet of flowers, and the next day you need a hug. And inevitably that day your partner falls short of what you need… When you go through this situation, what will come out is that your partner doesn’t pay attention to you…
As I often say: you are not in the other person’s head and vice versa, so remember to tell them what you want.
Clarify what attention is for you.
Your demand for attention, that of your family, your children, your partner, your friends is not the same. We all have different needs for attention. That is why it is important to name them precisely, and not to be ambiguous. This will allow the other person to understand and be able to respond to them or not.
Dare to repeat
In the same principle as the previous points: the other is not in your head, did you know that we can’t remember everything either?
Another example: “I regularly hear: I keep asking for more tenderness and I’m tired of repeating …”.
I fully understand that repeating this can sometimes be unpleasant, it’s complicated… and yet let’s imagine that your partner hears that you need tenderness (and again think about specifying what tenderness is for you), and the work, the concerns, the children go through it. The hours fly by, and of course he has forgotten that you need tenderness… Is it really a disaster to repeat it? No, you need it: just express it without thinking about the fact that your partner is purposely forgetting it.
What if nothing does anything about it?
It can happen, depending on the relationship, maybe yours comes to a difficult point? Maybe the communication has even broken down? In this case, nothing is better than the accompaniment of a professional to take stock and try to recreate the relationship.
Are you going to try these few tips?
Give me some news and think about sharing it in order to spread these few precious advices.