After a breakup, it’s natural to go through a period of mourning. In fact, I would be the first to advise you to take the time to get over a relationship before starting another one: accepting your emotions is healthy, and taking the time to take stock of a story that didn’t work out is essential to give the next story the best chance.
But if you’re reading this article, it’s because you feel you’ve passed the inevitable period of sadness and nostalgia that follows a breakup. It’s been too long! You can’t get over the pain, you can’t get over your ex, you can’t meet new people.
To get out of this impasse, you need to know what keeps you there.
Here are the 5 reasons which prevent you from forgetting your ex, and how to eliminate Him:
It’s Him Who Left You
It is possible to suffer from a breakup even when you are the one who left the other, but it is not comparable to what you can feel when you are left. In this case, it is not you who chose to end the relationship, and it is surely because you wanted to.
If he left, it’s because there were shortcomings or problems in your story, but you didn’t see him or minimized him.
Keys to moving forward:
-Clarify your emotions: if you are suffering not only from lack, but from a wound in your pride, you can already eliminate this second emotion. Indeed, everyone has been left in their life! If your pride is still hurt, use that energy to build a Revenge Body: when your ex runs into you again, he will cry.
- Try to make a list of what was wrong with your relationship: it’s time to stop idealizing what was wrong.
You didn’t have the necessary explanations for the break-up
This is the reason that most often keeps us regretting a relationship. How can you move on if you don’t know why you were left? You can’t grieve without a minimum of explanations: you may spend months or even years replaying the relationship, wondering what you did wrong, or trying to figure out when the other person no longer shared your feelings.
The key to moving forward:
Don’t be afraid to ask for the explanations you weren’t given. You are entitled to it! Write a non-aggressive message to your ex, use a soothing tone and simply explain your needs. If he doesn’t deign to do you this little favor, you still have an answer: he left because he is a coward with no class.
You’re no longer a couple, but he’s still circling you
You’ve broken up, but you’re still in touch. He sends you messages, under false pretenses, with a falsely friendly attitude. Maybe you’re still seeing each other, voluntarily, because you’re dating occasionally, or involuntarily, because you’re working together for example.
It’s hard to move on if the contact is maintained, but it’s even harder if the contact is ambiguous. Your ex wanted to leave you, but it’s not clear since he’s contacted you again: there’s a game of seduction between you, and you have no idea where you stand.
The key to moving forward:
Understand that he’s only playing this game for 2 reasons: he wants to stroke your ego and would like to have the benefits of being in a relationship with you without the drawbacks. No, he doesn’t regret your relationship, otherwise he wouldn’t have left you, or would have expressed regrets. If you want to know for sure, ask him direct questions and express your needs and requirements.
You Are Still Connected Through Networks and Mutual Friends
You had mutual friends, and when you see them, it reminds you of your ex. Even worse, these friends give you news about him/her.
Another common situation: you have not removed him from your friends and subscribers on the networks. I understand this need, you feel like you have a connection with him, and you want to. The other reason is your irrepressible desire to stalk him! Admit it! But I don’t need to tell you that it makes you think of him constantly, as soon as you put your eyes on your phone. On the other hand, you’re hurting yourself by trying to find out if he has a new girlfriend, and that’s going to happen sooner or later: turn off the phone before you break your heart.
The key to moving on:
Wait a few months before seeing your mutual friends again, and discipline yourself to cut all virtual ties. Urgently. This is a very hard time, so give yourself a nice gift on the day to celebrate your courage.
You Don’t Really Want to Move On
You want to forget your pain, but you don’t want to forget the one who hurt you. You can’t get out of your regrets, but you don’t really want to get out. Indeed, this nostalgia is all that remains of this lost relationship. Yet you have to get out of it if you don’t want to suffocate.
The key to moving on:
You idealize the man who left you and the relationship you lost. You need your friends: their outside view and awareness of your worth and what you deserve will help you open your eyes to your ex’s shortcomings and what you were experiencing with him. Gather them together, grab a bottle of wine and a box of tissues, and let them open your eyes to everything your ex wasn’t giving you and everything you should expect from the lucky guy you’ll soon meet!