It is always said that in love, you should not try to change your partner. On the one hand, it’s better to change your partner than to be unable to love someone for who they are, and on the other hand, it’s rare that people change at the behest of an outside person, when the decision doesn’t come from themselves.
However, I’m talking about those changes that are the essence of a loving relationship: the changes we want to make in ourselves, when we are motivated by love to become the best version of ourselves, and the changes that are the concessions and efforts we make when we realize that one of our behaviors has hurt the person we love.
You may be waiting for your man to change because his habits are wearing you down and breaking your heart. You may be right to be patient, but how do you know if you’re waiting in vain? Here are 4 signs that you’re wasting your time and that he’ll never change.
He justifies his actions and takes responsibility instead of apologizing
When you talk to him about his wrongs and the harm they do to you, he pleads guilty, but not responsible. Instead of apologizing and making promises to you, he becomes his own advocate and finds extenuating circumstances:
- his buddies influenced him
- his upbringing made him that way
- the circumstances were irresistible
- he is a man, and “men are like that”.
Obviously, these are just bad excuses, behind which he cowardly shelters, not because he is ashamed of his choices, but because he does not want to take responsibility and change. He will make the same mistakes every time the circumstances repeat themselves.
He Minimizes What You Complain About
Instead of taking your feelings seriously, he accuses you of doing too much. He minimizes his wrongs and discredits how you feel. He says he was wrong, but “it’s okay, it’s not that bad. It’s “just a delay”, “just an inappropriate word”, “just a girl with whom there was nothing serious”…
If he thinks his wrongs are just silly, needless to say, he won’t change.
He doesn’t offer any concrete action to prove his efforts to you
When faced with a problem to overcome, you need a concrete plan. “I’m going to make an effort” is not something you can just say: it’s just talk until it’s done. And for them to become concrete, they must first become a list of corrective actions that are more specific than the vague phrase “efforts”.
Normally, he would base his promises on specific proposals that would come from him. If not, ask him: is he able to promise to make such and such concrete efforts to regain your trust and prove his good faith? If he is reluctant to sign this moral contract, he does not really want to change.
His Wrongs Repeated, Again and Again: They Are Not Accidents, but Character Traits
This last sign is the most obvious. No one is perfect, and we can all make mistakes. Forgiveness is possible, and people do change when they want to. However, what about when the same mistakes happen again? It means:
- they didn’t take your requests seriously
- they don’t keep your promises
- that they take you for granted
- and above all, it shows that his mistakes are not accidents, but manifestations of his deep personality. He won’t change, stop wasting your time waiting for him, you deserve better!
