You’re bored in your relationship. One thing’s for sure: you’re not vibrating with your partner anymore. What’s less certain is whether you’re ready to leave him. Is this just a lukewarm period in your married life before a new start, a set of problems that you can fix? Is it already over, and are you staying in a relationship just out of habit?
Here are 5 signs that can shed some light on this.
Sign #1: You No Longer Have a Desire for Him
Having no desire for him doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is over in a relationship. It can be a very temporary phase, linked to a stressful context, to the health of the partners, or even to a small drop in libido due to routine. In the latter case, and in the cases due to the context or health, everything will start again with patience, love, and especially a lot of communication.
If none of this applies to you, the lack of desire can be a real sign that the flame has been extinguished. You are roommates, not a couple anymore.
Sign #2: You Have No More Conversation Topics
People who love each other also have the closeness of best friends. They can chat for hours, debate, rehash the world, and still want to share what made them tick during the day. What about your relationship?
Have the serene silences been replaced by long, awkward and tiring hours without talking to each other? Do you feel like you can’t find anything to say to her anymore? If so, it’s not objectively because you have nothing to say to him, it’s because you’d rather have your conversations with others than him. This sign seems to indicate that your story is coming to an end.
Sign #3: You’re Running Away from the One-on-One
In the beginning of your relationship, you loved these moments together. You sought them out to the point of sometimes turning down invitations from your friends. You craved the moments of togetherness, just you and him. Now it’s the opposite. You run away from one-on-one moments. At best, they bore you, at worst, they make you uncomfortable. This sign could almost be enough on its own to rule that you’re only staying with him out of habit.
Sign #4: If He Left You, How Would You Feel?
You don’t have the courage to leave him right now, or you’re still unsure of your feelings towards him. But if he left you, how would you feel? Try to really imagine the scene, your emotions, and the days and weeks after. Would you be sad, but more out of nostalgia for your habits and the tenderness that remained between you than out of love? Would you feel the intense pain of being torn apart, as if a part of yourself was being taken away? Would you be relieved that he had beaten you to it, and even euphoric to have regained your freedom without breaking anyone’s heart?
Indulging in this anticipation can really help you see things more clearly.
Sign #5: If You Didn’t Know Each Other, Would You Hit on Him?
Being dumped is very painful, but we underestimate the pain that the one who takes the initiative to leave feels. It is a brave act to take responsibility for ending a story and causing pain to someone you have had feelings for.
Perhaps you haven’t yet mustered the strength to take that responsibility. If you’re not particularly unhappy in your relationship, it’s hard to take the plunge. However, you can ask yourself this question: if you didn’t know him, would you hit on him? Would you want to be in a relationship with this man if you weren’t already?
If the answer is no, you know you shouldn’t be pursuing this. Habit brings a powerfully addictive comfort, and it can be dizzying to think that you’ll have to reinvent your life, lose your bearings and go back to being single. However, by holding onto a story in your life that is no longer right for you, you are blocking the space for all the miracles that are meant for you. Think about it, and go for it: change is the essence of life!
