Longing for someone to share headphones with so cozy? Someone to tag in your photos and take to family reunions? You need a guy! But how do you get a boyfriend?
Well, how do you? Many girls simply wait. They don’t do anything special, thinking that sooner or later the right guy will turn up. Which may be true, but it can take time. Of course, there could be many reasons why you choose this tactic. Maybe you’re waiting because you’re shy. Or because you think it’s the guy’s thing to take the initiative. Or because it feels more comfortable to wait than to date through the number of guys it takes to find the right one. We all have our reasons. But if you really want a boyfriend, there are better ways. Ready?
Step 1 – Prep & Pep
First and foremost, you need to get a little pep in your step. If you’re busy worrying about how you look or what people really think about you not having met someone yet, you’re not being your best self. Ignore the beauty cues and social codes and do what you need to do to enjoy life. And sure, that might mean some new clothes or a nail polish that makes you happy. It could also be seeing your friends more often, or doing something completely new that you’ve always wanted to try. The most important thing is that you feel good about yourself. Here are some more tips. The bonus is that you’ll also be more attractive to others.
Step 2 – Get the right attitude
When we’re in a relationship, we have “Busy” written all over our foreheads. We may not think about it, but we definitely become less outgoing, and perhaps almost uncomfortable if someone is interested in us after all. Then, when we become single again, we may feel like we’ve forgotten how to do it. And we may instead, in sheer desperation, exude “Hey, here I am, I’m free!” After a while of being single, we can relax and gradually settle into a “see me if you want” attitude. And it’s a little more charming. What phase are you in right now? Even if you’re not in the charming, relaxed phase really, you can fake your way there. Soon, even you won’t know the difference. Do this:
Keep yourself busy
Hang out with your friends. Try a new hobby. Go to concerts and exhibitions. Go to all those things you usually avoid. That way, you won’t have time to sit at home and ponder how to get a boyfriend. And you’ll experience a lot more, which means you’ll have fun things to talk about with everyone you meet.
Analyse every guy you see
You may feel shy or nervous around guys you don’t know, but consider that your future boyfriend is just one of them. You can work out your insecurities about guys. Look at them. Notice their style, what they read on the bus, how they wear their hair. Listen to them. Analyse all the guys you see in this way; colleagues, schoolmates, friends and friends’ acquaintances and even total strangers. In time, you’ll see things you missed before, when you looked away after a quick glance. You’ll learn to see through the bottom line more easily and spot the golden nuggets faster. Plus, you’ll soon feel less nervous. And realize that there are so many guys to get to know.
Look them in the eye
Resolve to look every guy you meet in the eye. This will make them look at you differently – more as a person and less as a girl. You’ll find that many of them soften a bit. Maybe they smile at you, or wink a little flirtatiously. Some may look uncertain, surprised that you’re looking at them. Others will meet your gaze in a more intense way. Sometimes you may feel it throughout your body. This exercise will help you feel interesting and attractive, and it will also make you more fearless and confident in contact with guys. You will learn to read their emotions and see if someone is interested.
Step 3 – Take the first step
This is where many girls think that now it’s the guy’s turn. But how do you get a boyfriend? By doing nothing? Nope… You’re more likely to succeed (or at least faster) if you take matters into your own hands. Help love along, it doesn’t have to be that hard. Put the three tips above together and you’ve got a good plan. Keep yourself busy, and take notice of the guys you meet. See them and make them pay attention to you. By now, you’ve probably learned how to find the golden nuggets faster, and also trained away the worst of the shyness. Time to take the first step! Or at least be really clear with your body language, so he understands that you’re interested and want to connect… Actually, taking the first step yourself is usually the least embarrassing. And then you don’t have to wait, and you’ll get an answer straight away! (Or you could simply contact your favourite Match singles instead…)
With what to take the first step? How? What to say? There’s no one-size-fits-all line that always works (although some pick-up lines are actually pretty funny). Instead, try to adapt the conversation to the context. If you’re at an exhibition, start talking about what you’re looking at. If you’re meeting at a bar, you can talk about your latest favourite drink. If you’re out on the town, ask for directions to the nearest coffee, saying you desperately need a coffee. Let your personality shine through and don’t take yourself or the thing too seriously. If he replies in kind, you’re home. Ask for his number, or ask if he wants yours. If he seems stiff and uncomprehending, round off the call and move on. No harm done!
Step 4 – From flirt to boyfriend
There you go. You’ve dated a few times. Made out a lot. But how do you get him to be your boyfriend? The somewhat disappointing answer is that you can’t. You can’t get someone to be your boyfriend if he doesn’t want to. But if you have fun together and you feel comfortable in his company, you can tell him that you’d like him to be your partner. If you think everything feels right, he probably thinks and feels the same way you do. If, on the other hand, he doesn’t, you may actually have missed something along the way. Maybe you’re not as good a match as you’d like to think, plain and simple. Which, unlike you, he has noticed. See it for what it is (a good try), say thank you and goodbye and keep looking for Mr Right. Somewhere out there is a guy waiting who will feel just like you. Get out there and find him!
