Behave in front of children
In a stable relationship, you come to a point where you take children together. In (almost) every romance there are arguments, but the sixth unwritten rule is that you do not raise your voice in front of children. The sound you produce can frighten (young) children and can cause routines to be disrupted. This is mainly the case when they do not yet understand what exactly is going on.
This also applies to pets, by the way, as they too can easily become upset when shouted at. Therefore, make sure that you discuss the problem with your partner at a later time.
Don’t throw things when you are angry
The seventh unwritten rule is that you can never throw objects at the other person during an angry mood or argument. It can lead quickly to escalation or even worse: that you hurt someone. Take a few seconds of deep breaths and think about why exactly you are angry.
Talk it out in a calm manner or take some distance. After all, the idea is not to become aggressive and throw objects at someone as a result. It doesn’t solve the argument and it only hurts the other person.
Do not say mean things to each other
When you are angry with each other it is quite normal to try to make the other angrier. But does that really help? For example, the eighth unwritten rule is that during an argument you don’t use personal things to belittle the other person. It’s not nice to have it emphasized that you are bald or that you don’t dare to speak in front of a large group of people.
As with swearing, these examples are stored away in the brain and come up again at a later time. And that does not contribute to a stable relationship.
Don’t ignore each other for longer than a day
Some partners still have the habit of giving the other the silent treatment. As a way of punishing the partner, communication is turned off. And that does not lead to a stable relationship. Such psychological games only create tension and it leads to more arguments. Examples are walking along the hallway and not saying anything or being in the living room and ignoring the other person.
Do not ignore each other for too long and certainly not to “punish”: it is unwritten rule number nine. Therefore, make clear agreements with each other. It is not bad to leave each other alone for an hour, because that way you also let the other person think about what exactly happened. But don’t make it much longer.
Don’t lean on trivial things
Both may recognize themselves in the last unwritten rule that does not contribute to a stable relationship. During an argument, people still sometimes shout things like “You gave me a useless birthday present three years ago. You dig up something from the past and try to justify your behavior with it. But… it doesn’t help anything.
There is no point in digging it up. Focus on the now and don’t bring up old issues. Your partner can hardly defend himself and it is unfair to bring up something like this. After all, nothing can be changed and it doesn’t lead to a stable relationship.
