When do thoughts of the ex become dangerous?
Sarah is actually happy with her new boyfriend. They have been together for a few months now and are experiencing many wonderful moments. But Sarah has a problem: Every now and then she has to think about her ex-boyfriend. The relationship with him was complicated, the feelings intense, and somehow her ex just won’t let her go. She would like to forget him and concentrate on her happiness with her new partner…
What can it be that makes us women think about our ex all the time?
is it normal to think about your ex despite being in a new relationship?
“I would say that it depends on the frequency and type of feelings, whereby not only feelings of love are meant. Hate, for example, is a sign that the ex is still very present and has the power to move and touch you. Generally thinking about the ex and recalling shared memories is normal, if it does not become a problem in the new relationship. Coming to terms with the past in a positive way is the first step toward a happy new future; the key word, however, is “closure.”
Are thoughts of the ex a sign that I still have feelings for him?
“People we have spent a lot of time with stay in our memories and we associate feelings with them as a result. In the rarest of cases, there is total indifference after a breakup. Having positive feelings for your ex is generally a good sign; however, if the emotions are romantic in nature or even particularly negative, you should revisit the issue.”
Are there moments when thoughts of the ex should particularly worry me?
“Yes. It becomes especially tricky when a couple experiences very nice moments together, such as an intense kiss, or even a romantic evening, and one of them is secretly thinking about the ex! However, if thoughts of the ex intrude more often in argument situations, this is also a warning signal, as the first escape impulse is toward the past.”
When do thoughts of the ex stop?
“If I still secretly love him, then never. A new relationship, with everything that entails, demands 100 percent of us, not a bit less. Having strong feelings for your ex takes too much energy and will cause a new relationship to fail sooner or later.”
How can I turn off thoughts of the ex?
“Normally, time heals all wounds. To continue to be “connected” to your ex after a breakup is quite normal. However, if this condition does not relax and resolve after several weeks, you should seek professional help and talk about your feelings. Often it is anxiety that accompanies the breakup rather than separation from the person per se. With a trained counselor, you can learn a lot more about yourself and also confidently start a new healthy relationship.”
