Most people manage to move on after a break-up, but there are those who struggle badly. If you’ve been left behind, starting a new chapter in your life can be particularly difficult. Below we list 10 reasons that can make it extra difficult for you to move on.
If you’ve spent a lot of time together and really bonded, break-ups are always difficult. Maybe they agree to continue being friends, even though it can be difficult in many ways. Maybe you break up completely, but even so, it can be challenging to really get over your ex and move on. Read the list below and if you recognize yourself in the points, try to examine yourself and find the tools to move on.
Insecurities that take root
The existential uncertainty that can follow a difficult break-up can put many roadblocks in the way of moving on. It is difficult to know in advance how to react to the grief and fear of being alone that often follows a break-up. At worst, it sets in uncertainty that can affect you on several levels.
No one can be better than your ex
If in your last relationship you were convinced that you had found a love that would last a lifetime, it can be difficult to move on. As a result, you compare new people to your ex and find them lacking because they are different. The big danger is if you actively look for faults in others, then it will be harder to move on.
Having been abandoned or neglected in childhood can make a breakup extra difficult and reduce your chances of moving on. If you have had difficult experiences, it can be helpful to get help from a psychologist to deal with them and find the tools to move on.
Fear of being alone
A common feeling when you are left is the fear of being alone. Therefore, you may latch on to your last relationship and keep dreaming about it because that was the last time you weren’t alone. However, learning to stand on your own two feet is a good thing, and is a prerequisite for meeting someone else and moving on.
You’ve built your self-esteem on your ex
The risk of this increases if you’ve been together for a long time. Over the years you may have mirrored each other, built up interests and pleasures together, and you may have built much of your self-esteem and confidence on the person you loved. The goal is to find that in yourself too, and you need that to move on.
Fear of failure
There are people who are afraid of failing when it comes to everything. They always go for 100%, are perfectionists and want to give everything of themselves all the time. Such people may find it even more difficult to move on after a break-up because they risk interpreting the break-up as a failure.
Overly romantic expectations can also make it difficult for you to move on. It’s not uncommon to be inspired by the world of the movies, and then to be disappointed that the reality doesn’t live up to it. You may also have problems in your relationship if you have unreasonable expectations and fantasies about what a love relationship “should” look like.
You are convinced that your ex was “the one”
If you suffer from the notion that there is only one right one for everyone, then it is definitely difficult for you to move on if you are left! If you have such a view on relationships, you should try to work on it and look at love and relationships in a different way, otherwise it will be difficult to move on.
Expecting too much from new partners
Did you and your previous partner share an interest? Did you have something very specific in common that you feel you can’t live without in your next relationship? Try not to have too high expectations for a new partner to live up to your ex. You may risk staring blindly at shortcomings and therefore miss many great qualities in the new person.
You are a stalker
Then there are those who really can’t move on, in the absolute worst way. If you feel an obsession developing around your ex, that jealousy takes over if they meet someone new and if you start following their every move without you, then you definitely need help to move on! It’s destructive behavior, both for your ex and for yourself!