You call him a lot because you care about him and love to talk. You ask him where he is just out of curiosity, not because you always want to be in control… Do you?
So often in relationships, we have anxious behaviors that we don’t even perceive. On the contrary, we have the impression that they show our partner how much we care about them and how much we love them.
However, these gestures betray enormous anxiety and even toxic behaviour in some cases.
Here are 5 anxious behaviors that you often consider signs that you really care about someone!
Calling or texting too often
Even if you talked on the phone half an hour ago, you consider it okay to send them a few texts. Even if he texted you ten minutes ago, you can’t resist the temptation to call him to hear his voice.
It sounds romantic and may be typical behaviour for a couple just starting out. However, if you’ve been together for a while and your impulse to contact him constantly seems uncontrollable, it may be anxiety.
Obsessively asking the other person if they are OK
Surely, you know (or even are) that person who always asks “Are you OK? Are you sure? Is there anything I can do? I still feel like something’s not OK!”.
It’s very kind of you to be aware of the feelings and states of the person next to you. However, sometimes obsessively worrying about every potential signal that something is wrong is not healthy – for you or for him!
Wanting to know where he or she is and with whom all the time
“Call me when you get there, okay?” and “Let me know where you’re going afterwards and who you’re seeing” are not lines that show you care, but lines that mask anxious behaviour.
The desire to always be in control and to know everything that is going on with your partner every second of their life is typical of anxious people. So, if you notice this in yourself, you might want to reflect a little on the subject. What is behind this anxiety?
To get to the main emotions hidden by anxiety, you can use the Emotions Diary by Andreea Raicu. It is designed together with two psychologists and includes a lot of exercises that will help you reduce anxiety and recognise the states behind it.
You behave with fear, you’re afraid of upsetting or disturbing
The English say “walk on eggshells”. In other words, you are extremely attentive to every gesture, every word and every facial expression when you are around your partner. You control your behaviour enormously so as to avoid any potential for disturbance. This is a clear sign that you are experiencing anxiety in your relationship.
You often say things like “I worry because I love you” or “I worry because I care”.
Romantic movies and songs have taught us all sorts of things about love. Among them, the misconception that for love you have to suffer, not sleep at night and sacrifice yourself.
It’s time to realise that no, excessive worrying is not hiding love, but anxious behaviours that can negatively affect both you and your lover, who will begin to feel guilty for your moods.