If you find yourself in one or more of the points described above, it may be time to seek couples therapy.
Unfortunately, in most couples, some arguments or disputes can leave deep scars on everyone’s soul. However, the big problem is that each one thinks they are right and the other is wrong. That’s why, when it comes to couple therapy, I often hear the phrase: “from my point of view, you have problems, so you should see a psychologist.”
Even if this were true, couples therapy would still be helpful. Because, in couples therapy, emotions can be unloaded, states and circumstances can be expressed that create problems that seem to lead the couple to divorce.
In this sense, I have developed a new theory about couple therapy, discussing roles or rituals in the couple. This way can make you understand if and where you have problems and how you should solve them.
In this sense, in a couple, we talk about the following roles:
the role of friends. There can be problems if you fail to communicate honestly and fairly and if you don’t find a solution to any issue you encounter that will satisfy both of you so that you can continue your life together.
career role. It is essential to understand each other’s needs to build a career. However, we should find ways this career does not affect family life. A job can negatively affect life as a couple if: you are away from home too much, you are not involved in household chores, you are not engaged in raising and educating your children, you come home with work problems, or you come home with the superior attitude of a professional achiever, behaving condescendingly towards other family members.
parenting. There are often disputes about when it is right to have a child, the number of children, and how to raise and educate them.
domestic roles. Cleaning, food, shopping, bills…etc. Because we live in a modern world, these should be shared so that neither of the two becomes the “woman of the house” while the other does nothing.
family budget. Discussions about financial involvement can significantly damage the family’s communication pattern. This is also where a coherent and fair financial plan can be built to provide both of them with everything they need.
the relationship with the family of origin. Whatever problems you have with the other person’s family, you should let them deal with them. Discuss together, find a way to be as pleasant as possible for your family of origin, and then implement the plan.
toxic friendships. Often, problems can come from outside the family, from those “good” friends who are eager to tell us how unsuitable our partner is or how they are not doing the right thing for us.
vices. These bring the greatest unpleasantness and quarrels in the family. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, and betting, can be natural enemies of balance in married life.
extramarital relationships. One of the couples, not feeling loved or appreciated at home or not wanting to miss an opportunity, can often slip into an adulterous relationship. It may be an accident, or it may be a way of life. Whatever the reason, the extramarital relationship is incompatible with the idea of family.
We have listed above only some roles, rituals, or interactions that can lead to arguments or misunderstandings in married life. If you find yourself in one or more of the points described, it may be time to seek couples therapy. After all, with a psychotherapist, it is possible to devise scenarios that are as clear as possible for both of you, to help you understand what your problems are, how to solve them, and how you can help your partner to become aware of their problems and then support them in solving them.