How to forget the ghosts of the past and channel all your energy into beautifying your next relationship.
Relationships are the foundation of a meaningful life. And not just personal ones, but relationships with co-workers, friends, parents, and yourself are the wealth of your heart. Because we are social creatures, relationships with others are essential for mental prosperity.
Matthew Hussey, one of the world’s best-known couples coaches, believes that “grief comes not from the loss of your soul mate, but from the disappointment that your soul mate was not your soul mate.” And yes, the burden of grief you now carry is heavy but also fleeting. And if you will realize this, the fact that HE couldn’t live up to your standards and values may lessen the pain little by little.
Out of all this war of feelings in your heart, there is the light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but think that the person you’re hurting for wasn’t meant for you. This allows you to meet the right person.
It’s very important to think coldly about your actions and the couple that allowed you to get here. Repeating mistakes doesn’t help because you will find yourself doing the same thing in your next relationship.
If you don’t know what to do next, consider today’s advice a guide to recovering your energy and soul after breaking up with your partner.
Surround yourself with loved ones
It may seem standard advice to surround yourself with loved ones, but it’s the ultimate suggestion for getting out of a crisis. The truth is that you will only give new meaning to your life with close family and friends. Reconnecting with your loved ones will help you fill the void that has been so abruptly filled in your heart with the end of your relationship. To give meaning to your life, you need to cultivate relationships that are different and distinct from the one that has just ended.
Learn to value yourself
If you forgot about yourself in your old relationship, it’s time to find yourself! If you’re feeling sorry for yourself by eating pizza in front of the TV and refusing to leave the house, you may suffer from depression. Among the most common symptoms of depression are:
- lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy
- sadness
- irritability
- avoidance of the community
- sleep disturbances, insomnia being the most common condition
- excessive guilt or feelings of worthlessness.
If you’ve ticked off more than half of the symptoms of depression, it’s time to realize you need help. In such situations, passivity is not a solution. You need to act now! First, get out of the house. A bike ride or a Zumba class will energize you. Sport in nature supports you not only physically but also mentally. Buy yourself a pair of running shoes and your best sports clothes and enjoy the fresh air and movement!
A beauty appointment is another good idea to put into practice. A microdermabrasion treatment to deep-cleanse your complexion or a body contouring treatment to help you slim down in inches will have you feeling beautiful, attractive, and bursting with energy, ready to move mountains.
Find out what you want.
When one partner’s needs aren’t met, relationship conflicts arise. Often, these needs are either not communicated or ignored by one partner. Either way, the root cause of the problem is a lack of awareness of your partner’s needs.
Our basic needs are:
- status – a sense of superiority
- connection – the feeling of being understood and appreciated, of sharing common values with someone
- security – feeling safe, trusting something or someone
We all need these three things in the relationships we build; they’re just prioritized differently for each of us. And the disproportionate valuing of one need over the other often causes problems in couples. Identifying your needs is key to understanding what went wrong in your relationship. That way, in your future relationship, you will know precisely what you want, but at the same time, you will discover your partner’s needs and learn to respect them.
This is the only way you will be able to forget the ghosts of the past and channel all your energies into making your future relationship more beautiful. Read Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, or Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication to learn more.
