PSYCHOLOGIST’S EXPLANATIONS: IS FIDELITY JUST A SOCIAL CONVENTION?

What does fidelity really mean? Where does it come from? What are its limits?

The need for relationship is one of the essential needs of man. We are built in such a way that we need each other to survive. So relationships – friendship, family and couple relationships – are particularly important, having a considerable influence on many aspects of human development. As far as the couple relationship is concerned, sooner or later, an aspect of it arises, which gives rise to many debates and even quarrels within the couple: fidelity.

Many wonder: What does fidelity really mean? Where does it come from? What are its limits? Why are people tempted to err? While some believe that fidelity comes with meeting the “soul mate”, that longed-for person who fills in the “missing parts”, others believe that fidelity simply doesn’t exist and that each individual person will sooner or later be tempted by another potential partner.

According expert, fidelity means, first of all, assumption; perhaps self-imposed in some cases, but it is a conscious choice for people who want stability. “Fidelity implies, from this point of view, a conscious assumption of the decision to be with a certain person. For this to be possible, it requires maturity, psychologically and especially emotionally. An emotionally immature person, when faced with the first challenge in a relationship, will be more or less tempted to take refuge elsewhere, for lack of experience or courage to face and resolve the situation they are facing”.

The specialist in couple relationships is of the opinion that psycho-emotional maturation depends on several factors: starting from family examples, lifestyle, types of relationships, to the interaction with the social environment.

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Immature people are more tempted to cheat
A psychologically immature person, although they will have the capacity to love unconditionally, to open their heart, will not know the right ways to do all these things.

“While emotionally he will feel, he will be able to connect, cognitively-behaviourally he will not have a sufficiently developed ‘vocabulary’ to allow him to manifest what he feels in a healthy way. Thus, various inappropriate behaviours or reactions may appear, not understood by the other person, agitation, insecurity, lack of clarity, incoherence, etc. On the other hand, emotional immaturity corresponds to a particularly intelligent, rational type of person, who may find it difficult to connect with or express what he or she feels. Most of the time, the situation these people face is that they remain stuck at the cognitive level, in their thoughts, without being able to connect (or not wanting to) at the emotional level. In this case, for example, two types of reactions can occur. It can be a particularly rational person, who will think about every sensation they feel, will try to make sense of it by looking at everything from the perspective of an observer, detached from the emotion itself. Another possibility is that of a person who feels emotion intensely, but lacks the knowledge or the ability to understand it and the healthy ways of managing and expressing it”.

Regardless of the situation, the psychologist is of the opinion that fidelity in a couple is very closely linked to the assumption of responsibility, for one’s own well-being and for the well-being of the other. And this depends on a level of maturity both psychologically and emotionally. Maturity obtained from experiences, from things learned through living different moments and situations of life, leads to building the necessary skills to build a healthy, harmonious relationship, based on respect, mutual appreciation, trust and love.

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