Manipulation can be found in any relationship, at work, in politics, between acquaintances, and in love relationships. Of all, the latter seems to have the most profound effect on the manipulated one. How can you recognize a manipulator in a relationship?
It’s all your fault
It’s impossible in a relationship for only one to be wrong. However, a manipulator is very persuasive, always presenting arguments in a light that only benefits him so that at the end of any adversarial discussion, only he is right, and the partner is always to blame.
Do you find that your values about life, justice, and love become obliterated in front of your partner?
If you feel that the reality you knew is wrong, being presented differently by your partner, you are most likely in a manipulative relationship. This aspect, together with the one above, can explain why some partners allow themselves to be abused, believing that it is their fault for what is happening to them, which is false, as their intuition tells them. But the manipulator is particularly persistent and does not give up until he convinces his partner that only he, the manipulator, is correct.
Disregards your emotions and suffering
If you try to tell him that a particular behaviour has hurt you or that you have a problem that is weighing you down, he will disregard your emotions and feelings; he will minimize them, saying that you are exaggerating, that they are common problems, that you are too sensitive, inadequate, that you should be different. And step by step, day by day, you come to believe that you should be different, and you feel that your personality is being erased; you begin to forget who you are and become who the manipulator wants you to be.
You become responsible for your partner’s mistakes
When he makes a mistake, and it becomes apparent that he has done so, unable to argue his facts, he will blame your behavior or actions as the cause for his error. So all the responsibility falls on you alone, making you guilty for your and your partner’s mistakes.
So you become responsible for your partner’s anger, wrong choices, acts of violence, and so on.
You end up not trusting yourself.
Day after day, your personality becomes increasingly faded, and you can seriously lose confidence in yourself. Thus, you will not feel able to break off the relationship and hope for another one, start a new life, look for a job, or become financially independent again. You feel that your life depends on your partner and that you are… nothing without your partner. You don’t have the courage and strength to make a new start (that’s what you feel).
If you find yourself in such a relationship, seek the help of a professional psychologist or psychotherapist without delay.
