YOU DON’T LOVE HIM BUT THE IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP

How not to confuse physical attraction with love!

We are all attracted to many people throughout our lives even at the most inappropriate times, for example when we are already in a stable relationship or when life is very tumultuous. Attraction sometimes comes without realizing it, without necessarily wanting it, without having physical contact with the person, but it just happens, even though sometimes the feelings are not mutual. This leads to broken hearts, dark thoughts and confusion. At the moment no one realizes that maybe appearances are deceiving, that someone can seem perfect but actually be very inappropriate. So as not to confuse physical attraction with love you can try to clarify the following aspects.

You only miss him when you are alone
All day long you are busy with work or friends you go out for coffee with and then when you get home and see yourself alone in the house you suddenly miss that person very much. The one who is meant for you must fill your life with happiness non-stop, you must always have him in mind, not only when you go to bed and you would like someone to warm you on the other side of the bed. It’s normal to feel lonely and sad sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you miss him, just that you wish you had someone by your side through thick and thin. You long to have someone to kiss you, to caress you, to hold you, someone to share your feelings, but do not despair, everything is normal in these feelings and at some point you will find someone special who will be your whole world.

Analyse his every mistake
Remember that we are all human and therefore susceptible to mistakes. If he is nervous, after a stressful day, he turns to someone when he is driving, it can only mean that he is very tired and nervous and can’t wait to get home to take a hot shower and then eat and get some sleep. If you tend to exaggerate things and over-analyze things it means it’s not true love but just possessiveness. At the same time, if he tries to tell you something and you are indifferent then when he changes the subject you make it rain you probably don’t care about his person and are just staying with him out of habit. However, never try to make excuses for him, if something bothers you tell him, take a stand, see if you really like him or just love the idea of a relationship, it can be a long process but it will be worth the effort.

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Try to change him
It’s not for nothing that they say you like someone completely or not at all, because if you take someone you take them as wedding vows say: for better or for worse, for better or for worse. You can’t make someone think exactly like you or behave lightly in certain delicate situations, because each person is a special individual and opposites always attract. After all let’s be serious, what would a relationship be like where absolutely everything is always rosy, no one has an opinion, both approve of each other endlessly? It would be terribly boring, monotonous and too much of a good thing you know you hate. Plus, it’s clear that if you try to change him too much you don’t actually love him. The converse is still true: if you do nothing but pick on him and be dependent on him it means he’s not what you need.

You often find yourself dreaming about the future.
If you plan absolutely every step according to what you want to do on your own and where you want to travel just because now you have someone else with you, that’s not love, it’s just fantasy. With the person you love you live every moment as if it were your last, you obviously make some plans for the future, depending on the duration of your relationship the plans can be long term or just where you go for the weekend or what you eat tonight but all these plans are made by mutual agreement, uniting the dreams of two people, not imposing only those of one. If you focus more on what could be than on what is, something is wrong. Try to figure out if life beats the movie or vice versa!

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There are still things that you want differently
Would you like someone to constantly try to change your personality, to impose a certain style of dress, to not let you wear any clothes at all or to criticize you for being unmade up? You probably couldn’t last too long with such a man, so “what you don’t like someone else doesn’t do”! If after a few weeks you haven’t got past the stage where you can see what a man is like in general, what attracts you to him and what doesn’t, and you still want to change him even after a few months, it means that you don’t fit and you have to move on, because you are wasting both of your time, neither of you will be able to feel fully fulfilled in this relationship.

Always comparing yourself to other couples
This only happens to those who don’t understand that no relationship is the same and that there is no universal recipe for success. Yes, there may be articles and even whole books about relationships, about self-discovery, personal development and tips on how to live your life happily with someone, but still, if you don’t already know this, if you don’t feel how to be with each other effortlessly, it means that you only like the idea of relationship and don’t love the person you are with. Love comes naturally, you don’t fall in love with money, but they keep the love going, you’re not a child all your life, but going with your partner hand in hand for a walk in the park is not a shame, going out with mutual friends is nice, but that’s not what defines a couple. Do what you want with your loved one, don’t follow others because you have no way of knowing how long they will last compared to you. The happiest couples are usually the ones who go out and live their lives happily together, not separately and by no means the ones who brag on social media about how good they are together.

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You start to wonder what you really deserve
Everyone deserves the best in the world. You work hard for a job advancement and a higher salary, don’t settle for what you are given first, if life gives you a hard time you make lemonade, but look on the bright side, there will always be people more bitter than you or at least who have exactly the same problems as you. They say to heed the words of the wise elders, to learn from the mistakes of those older than you, but no one (or almost no one) tells you that from your own mistakes you actually learn the best lessons, best and fastest, because those hurt the most. Discover your self, what you like, what you want and move towards that point with small but sure steps. Stop comparing yourself to others and if the man who stands next to you has not given you the fulfilment you need for a long time, it means that he is not your half, that he does not complete you and that you do not really love him.