After the end of a relationship we’ve been in for a long time, we can suffer a good time and may even tend to compare other potential partners to our ex. Some people may tend to compare partners’ qualities, others their flaws. The former is more painful for the new relationship, but the latter makes us fear entering a new relationship. But when you still carry your ex-love in your heart, there are signs and behaviours that give you away. These can easily be noticed. So, if you’ve entered a new relationship and you think your partner is still thinking about their ex, here are the signs that give them away.
He’s keeping her messages
Sure you don’t go through his phone, but it happens unintentionally when he’s looking for a message to notice that her messages are still there. Same goes for social media.
These traces may be there either because she hasn’t taken the time to delete them, or she simply considers them part of her past and has no reason to delete them, or because she still cares about her.
If the latter is the case, there are bound to be other signs and behaviours that will give you pause for thought.
He keeps pictures of his ex-girlfriend in plain sight or in an accessible manner
When visiting, you may notice that pictures of his ex-girlfriend are left in his library or on his bedside table, or represent times when they were still together.
Or maybe he keeps an album of photos of his last relationship handy. Only of his last relationship and not of other relationships or different experiences (e.g. with work colleagues).
Maybe he hasn’t yet been willing to put them in a memory box.
They kept a friendship that seemed too close
If you’re together and you notice his phone ringing, it’s his ex-girlfriend and they talk for dozens of minutes without communicating anything important and urgent, leaving you alone or otherwise second-guessing yourself, it’s no wonder you’ll wonder.
Also, other signs that betray an overly close friendship that he doesn’t set limits on can be disturbing or even worrying for you. The two of you may be seeing each other alone, or perhaps even asking his opinion on matters that are couple-related.
Perhaps, for him, the relationship with his ex-girlfriend is still very close…
He asks about her when he’s seeing mutual friends
Although he introduced you to his friends and you went out to have fun and have a good time, you notice that he is interested in what is going on with his ex-girlfriend, especially if these friends knew them from the old relationship and he could no longer keep in close contact with his ex-girlfriend. He seems to be consumed by curiosity, but is that all it is?
He tells you about her
Of course, each of us can sometimes recount a story from an old relationship. But he often recounts stories from the same relationship, just the one with his ex, without it seeming like his mind is jumping chaotically into his relationship past.
And if when he talks about his ex he does it in comparison with you, the situation is not so good, because he doesn’t seem to accept the healing process after the last breakup, but seems to be looking for a person who resembles his ex.
In this situation it is not surprising if you are seriously questioning your chances of continuing the relationship.
What can you do when you suspect your lover is still stuck in the old relationship?
Address the situation openly
Not as a criticism, not to start a fight, but simply because you care. Ask him to look honestly into his heart and try to seek the truth. For example, could he answer himself what he would do if he had the opportunity to resume the old relationship, without consequences in his entourage or family, simply hypothetically? It will help him better understand what his true feelings are. Or maybe he’s thinking about it because he has inner wounds that are still healing.
Also, assess how he reacts to these open discussions. If he doesn’t want to discuss them, if he doesn’t care how he feels, if he treats them with ignorance or goes into defensive behavior, most likely there in his heart things are not right.
