If you’ve been single for months, or maybe years, you don’t have to look at it as a stigma. It will help you make better choices in your relationship.
You’ve been single for a long time and you’re tired of getting the eternal question: what’s wrong with you? It’s as if you must have a serious problem that’s preventing you from forming a couple. Some women jokingly answer that they are overqualified, others get very defensive or say briefly that they have high standards. While this loneliness is often not easy to bear, it does teach you how to better choose a partner with whom to form a healthy relationship.
When you’re single you learn to manage loneliness…
…and feel good about yourself. We often choose to be with someone because we can’t tolerate loneliness and end up in situations that aren’t quite right. It’s also the fear of loneliness that keeps us from leaving the relationship, even though it would be the right option. So after a long single time you are with a man because you like him, you can grow with him, you feel good with him. Not that you need someone to occupy the other half of the bed.
If you’re single you can focus on yourself
You want to do a new specialisation, change your career direction completely. Test out different activities to discover which one gives you the most pleasure and can become a stable hobby. You want to travel, move to another city or country. You want to work on yourself, to develop personally, to pursue your carefully planned goals. You can do all of this when you are alone and your energy and emotional resources are directed entirely at you.
Get out of the fantasy of futile love
Your life partner is not the center of your universe. You have learned and succeeded in building a life that gives you satisfaction, joy, independent of a man. Therefore you will not place the burden of your happiness on his shoulders, since you have already achieved it. You are not chasing after a potential partner, and that is not the purpose of your existence. And when you meet him you don’t want to be tied by an imaginary umbilical cord.
You’re not willing to make compromises you’re not comfortable with.
You tend to do this out of fear of losing your partner, so that he won’t judge you, criticize you, or reject you. But when you have sustained training in being alone, and don’t see loneliness as a burden, you’re not willing to betray your values, your principles. You don’t lose yourself in this whole dance of emotions and attachment. You don’t give up parts of your life that matter to you just to appease the other person. You are adaptable, but not to the point where adaptation turns into sacrifice.
