You know those visibly and extremely happy couples of whom you can’t help but wonder what their secret is? Well, although the meaning of a perfect relationship varies from person to person, there are indeed dynamics behind successful relationships. They have nothing to do with the choice of mate, but more to do with the relationship that exists between the two people involved; that is, how the two people treat each other and how they feel about each other. When a love relationship begins everything is roses and flowers but then … even the hardiest plants, if they do not receive proper care, tend to wither. The ups and downs are inevitable. Accomplice to everyday life, we get used to thinking that the wonderful plant that is our relationship will always be there, will withstand the weather and will always be in bloom, in an eternal spring.
Sometimes, love is not enough.
But maybe not only sometimes. Because loving each other is a part of a larger project called the couple. The early stages of a love relationship correspond to infatuation and falling in love; our eyes take on the shape of a little heart and all our worries take a back seat to the need to stay in touch with our he/she. Unfortunately, or fortunately, these initial stages of falling in love, do not last forever. Other, more articulate and complex ones follow: that of disillusionment and love.
We all need to “be loved,” and the feeling of deserving love, the physical contact feeling of being deserving of love is by no means a given. Superficially we all say “yes of course I deserve love,” but inside your unconscious, very often you don’t love yourself enough to feel that you are deserving of love.
That’s why you somehow go out of your way to boycott your relationships to embroil yourself in relationships that don’t work, only to magically find out later that you are an “unlucky” person and have it confirmed that things are not going the way you wanted! So if there is one thing that should be clear to you, it is that in life you deserve to be loved, valued and respected. And all this does not make you a privileged, selfish person, much less an eternal dreamer or dreamer! Love does not bring suffering….love brings joy, happiness. And you deserve to be loved as if you were the most beautiful and precious thing your partner ever had….
Love is one of the engines of the world, and when we live it fully, consciously and fulfillingly, it is an indispensable element of our emotional well-being. There is no magic recipe that will guarantee you a stable and happy relationship no matter what. However, there are prerequisites without which any bond would dissolve. So what should you demand in a relationship?
Someone who offers you security
When I talk about security, I don’t mean financial security, but the assurance that you can count on your partner when you need it. And you deserve to know that you have someone next to you who will not abandon you when things get complicated–who will reach out to you when everyone else is abandoning you.
Someone who gets excited just by seeing you
Even after years in a relationship, those butterflies that flutter in your stomach when you are close to your loved one should never go away. And you deserve your partner to be happy to see you when he gets home from work! His eyes must shine when he sees you. Your arrival must be like sunshine brightening a bad day, not like clouds dumping a downpour. Of course, this must apply to you as well.
Someone to go on adventures with
There are very interesting places to discover, new cultures to explore, new people to meet, and new passions to develop. Discovering new things makes us feel alive. And you deserve to explore everything around you, to share many new life experiences. You can discover them on your own, but it would be much better if your partner would accompany you on these adventures. Because only when you share experiences do you create bonds that last a lifetime.
Someone who respects you
It is not a matter of finding someone who has a strong gift of empathy, but someone who is flexible enough to understand your ideas and feelings, even if they do not share them. Respect also presupposes that there are shared rules within a couple, of tacit agreements such as being faithful and telling the truth.
And you deserve all-around respect. Your individuality must never be questioned. Your partner must not expect to change you, must respect your decisions and beliefs–he must love you as you are.
Someone who makes you grow
In a mature relationship, each person admires the other but, in turn, encourages and supports him or her to help them grow. Living in a relationship is not about losing, but about growing and both of us gaining. And you deserve to have an open-minded person next to you who always encourages you to go further and motivates you to always bring out your best “self.”
Someone to cheer you up with small daily gestures
Those who live in a lasting love relationship know this well: every now and then there can be moments of weariness, periods when passion and understanding seem diluted in the everyday atmosphere, where more distracted acts and gestures are repeated, emptier than usual. Often it is not intentionality, but it is precisely the security of a broken relationship that leads partners to become lazier in affectionate expressions and attention, to take affection for granted, as if it were self-feeding. There are, however, small gestures in love that have the potential to bring a smile, to make the heart flutter again, to regain passion and physical contact as a couple even in the most “lukewarm” moments and in relationships that are somewhat asleep The small details are the ones that nurture the relationship day after day.
The small daily actions are the real proof of love. And you deserve a person who knows what you like…who tries to make you happy through those little details that are worth a lot to you.
Someone who listens to you and understands
We are different beings but sometimes we forget this because that selfish part that we carry as children makes itself heard, wants to oppose, out of a need to be accepted by the other, in doing so, sometimes you end up crushing and neglecting your partner. Listening and understanding allows you to discover the inner face of the person in front of you, to recognize the dignity and value of the person who has a different way of seeing things and who within the couple is of great value so that expectations and aspirations are shared.
When a bad day comes and everything has gone wrong one just needs a shoulder to rest on, someone to listen and comfort us. Without listening, understanding and empathy, no couple gets very far. And you deserve someone to share your dreams with and not think they are silly, someone to support you so that your little dreams in the drawer become reality.
Someone to give you freedom
In a healthy relationship, both parties are aware that the other is an independent person who needs freedom. For a relationship to last, it is essential that both know when to become one and when to be two separate people. And you deserve someone who loves you, but at the same time lets you be free. You deserve someone mature enough to respect your space and who is not jealous of your new friends, your new interests.
Someone who trusts you
Trust in a healthy relationship is a point that absolutely could not be missed. It is a key element that holds two people together and thanks to which the relationship thrives, becomes abundant with love and experiences endless success. When one of you does not trust the other, the relationship is doomed in advance to failure.
And you deserve someone who does not check your phone calls and texts; who does not care if you arrived a little later than usual; who is not afraid to share the bank account.
Someone you can count on
Knowing how to stand by without pretense or interference is an art that can be learned. Stopping to ask, “How do I/we stand by her/him when she/he needs me?” is good training to pay attention to the relationship and learn how to walk through life together.
When we experience difficult situations, already knowing that the other person can handle that situation relieves us of a responsibility. And you deserve someone who has your back in difficult times, someone to whom you can confide your deepest secrets and to whom you can show yourself as you are, without artifice.
