Why couple fights are good

With time, not everything goes away. There’s still laundry to iron, shopping to do, dinner to prepare. And with it, the efforts which run out of steam and the reproaches which accumulate… for nonsense and trifles. Once the storm has passed, they seem ridiculous, but, with time, they strangely regain some of their originality.

The subject has, for decades, constituted the goodwill of the women’s press. Hence a jurisprudence that is as abundant as it is instructive and rich in strategic advice and psycho-behavioural analyses, based on the hormonal, neuronal, cultural and personal differences that oppose – would oppose – men and women. The first would pursue only one objective, “to have peace”, and the second, its perfect opposite, “to make war”. A holy war, since it is destined to track down the grains of sand that block the beautiful machine of love. The shortcomings of the other, his insolent bad faith, his negligence or his mania, his laxity or his obsessions… Without forgetting the imbalance in the sharing of tasks and the disputes over the education of children.

The dictatorship of harmony

But why do we insist on remaining impervious to common sense advice? Let’s take a good example of a caricature, which seems to be the stumbling block for many couples. One of the partners complains: “I do the shopping, I eat dinner, I follow the children’s homework, and on top of that, I have to be in shape to spend the weekend with your family. »

Even though we know that we have to “avoid the always and never”, we find it difficult to find the alternative. Unless a subtle “I’ve been shopping, eating dinner and following the kids’ homework three hundred and sixtieth time this year” is the saving grace. Can’t believe it? Neither do we.

We also know that we must “clearly and calmly express our expectations and needs, and receive those of others. A promising postulate. Until we put it into practice: “I need us to share more of the constraints of everyday life.

  • And I need you not to ask me to share more of the constraints of daily life. »
    Back to square one…

At this point, a doubt arises: can we really put an end to the daily grind? And a question emerges: do we really want to endure the dictatorship of harmony, the tyranny of its muffled voices, its measured actions? I’m not sure. Do we want to renounce the delights of bad faith? Not sure either. And then, aren’t these invectives, these recriminations and other ratiocinations one of the proofs that the couple is still alive, reactive, because full of unfulfilled expectations?

Wouldn’t this space dedicated to marital guerrilla warfare be, at the end of the day, the last space where we can drop the mask, let the dark side of our strength express itself without being compulsorily fired for serious misconduct or dragged before a court for insult or defamation? Let’s take the time to think about this question. Without forgetting, however, that equality and benevolence remain the two pillars on which happy couples are built and prosper.

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