- Seek couple’s therapy.
Regaining trust is an obvious problem in these cases and it is vital to regain it in order to continue. But if both parties are absolutely committed to reconcile, or at least to try, seeing a couple’s therapist will be of great help.
A third person, outside the relationship and with extensive knowledge of the subject, will not only serve as a mediator, but will also help you to see possible ways to accelerate the healing process you are seeking.
This type of therapy also helps the couple to open up more easily and speak with total sincerity. On the other hand, the presence of the therapist will decrease the decisions made in anger and will make the couple think with a cool head about the future.
- Recognize that things will not get better overnight.
Rebuilding trust takes time. At first it will be very difficult to feel secure and that uncertainty will cause you to have constant doubts about your decision.
A song, a place or a movie can bring back painful memories of that infidelity. For this reason, it is important to let time build new memories and special moments. Those memories that will allow you to continue and make your relationship better than it was.
- The truth will be revealed little by little.
A person who has committed infidelity rarely tells the whole truth from the beginning. It is a normal reaction that comes from fear and guilt. You don’t want to hurt your partner any more, so you omit information. What would you do if you were in their position? Maybe the same thing.
The true story and motives for the infidelity will slowly emerge and you must accept that. It is very likely that you want the whole truth now, but you must understand without judgment and open the space for your partner to feel on safe ground.
- Your partner should open up access to their email, social media accounts, whataspp and text messages.
This may seem a bit extreme. But if you want to accomplish the hard work of regaining trust you will need to be absolutely transparent. If your partner is fully committed to you they will agree to do it.
Keep in mind that the information you find out may add to the pain, even if your partner has already told the whole truth. However, you will have the opportunity to dispel many of your doubts and in the end, you may feel some relief.
The version of the facts told by your partner, plus the version that you build, fed by this information, may show you the real reasons for the infidelity and if your partner really loves you and wants to stay with you.
- Make your partner earn your forgiveness.
We have talked about tolerance, humility, patience and, of course, forgiveness. But not all the effort should be made on your part. After all, it was not you who was unfaithful.
He/she must also be patient, humble and tolerant of your anger, sadness and disappointment. They must give you time to forgive. Most importantly, they must work hard to create new memories, rekindle love and rebuild trust.
Your partner’s true intentions will be reflected in their actions. Invitations, details, words, in short… make him/her work hard to earn your forgiveness and show what he/she really wants.
- You must be able to be with your partner without talking about the infidelity.
Eventually the whole truth will come out. Both parties will say what they have to say. Now, it is time to move on.
That’s right, life goes on and you need to get your relationship back on track. Connect as friends and lovers again. Dates, trips, plans together, all of these are vital to getting over an infidelity.
However, the subject of infidelity is very likely to come up in your conversations, try to keep it to a minimum. Although you will never forget what happened, this doesn’t mean you can’t leave it in the past.
- Don’t depend on the relationship to make you happy.
Your happiness cannot depend on your relationship or your partner. Happiness is something you must find on your own. If you are happy, your partner’s presence and love will bring even more value to your life. If you are both happy on your own things will be amazing when you are together. One of the keys to knowing how to overcome infidelity is to love yourself and be happy as you are.